I'd like to...

I would like to write and write about these days, about all the days of my life ...even about my future that I do not know any more about it. I would like to apologize for every thing that I had to do and I didn't do it or I had not to do and I've done it unfortunately. I know what they are. I think to myself and find out, there are so many things in my heart, in my mind which they want to appear but I can not show them or talk about them. Who can understand them as I understood them. My exams finished and their result were well. But what about the life exam, how I can take it well or at least with an acceptable result. Now I can not decide about anything really anything just and just I would like to write what I feel and nothing else. But for who, I mean, Who can feel my feeling as I like?
I would like to be a red fish with two smooth fins and pass through rivers one by one without any stress without a mind full of worriment but with a quiet mind. I really need it.
Maybe I'm getting lost again maybe not, I'm trying to find what I am, and this is sufficient for my case...What can be better than it, that you become happy due to you have done something before?
I know this time will pass and over like other times and just stays their stain on the mind and sometimes in my heart.